Reading about the sorrow and the loss experienced by so many at the death of Gary Speed is touching and harrowing at the same time. A player, a manager, a husband and a father with his entire future ahead of him, hangs himself at home.
Whereas the Norwegian press covers up details concerning suicide, the British are more open and direct. And amidst all the proclaimations of friendship, cameradie, brilliance, kindness, love, one is left with the fact that Gary Speed hanged himself in solitude and thereby we enter into the very heart of darkness thatresides within all of us. To take such a final irrevocable step points to a deep unhappiness and suffering, in the midst of all the trappings of a successfull life. Who noticed it? It is for that that I personally thank Gary Speed for his courage to take such a step.
I am not of his stature, but I have been places, and the prospect of death has for the past year been an ever and increasingly enticing one for me, seperated by life only by my cowardice and my concern for those who love me. I have my loved ones and my close friends and a very few detect in me the wish to pass on, and do what they can to alleviate, assist, help, encourage. I wonder if anyone knew Gary Speed that well, or if his ability to hide that dark self was so good that no-one recognized it. None of the reports by his close friends indicate as much. All express shock, none understanding.
Perhaps it is time to gaze behind the mask of our friends, shift it from our own navals, into the complexity that is the human soul, and depart the world of maya, illusion, as far as our dearest are concerned. Let our love become a little bit more harsh, more penetrating and and at the same time entirely unobtrusive. Perhaps then we can become helpers and saviours and not just best friends or excellent friends or part-time friends.
God speed Gary.Thank you for the inspiration, the courage.
28th November 2011